A Day to Celebrate

Today I celebrated the 35th anniversary of coming into this physical world. I can safely say it was a near-perfect day. I was showered with well-wishes from dear friends (thank you Facebook), I spent quality time with my sweetheart, had lunch with my mom, made some meaningful business connections, and spent a good portion of the day engrossed in my own creative process at the studio.

To top it off, the universe gave me a beautiful sunset--the kind that makes you gasp out loud and run for the paints. In fact, my time at the studio today was the greatest gift at all. My relentless inner critic took the day off--surprisingly--and left me in the bliss of playing with color and knowing exactly which mark to make next, feeling a deep satisfaction knowing that I'm on purpose and led in the right directions.

This was just 4 days after getting a heart-breaking rejection letter from a prospective gallery that I'd been pursuing for years. And just a day after feeling the grief of knowing that my time on a particular path had run its course and it was time to move on.

You may being saying "So what?" Well, I'll tell you what it means to me: Things will come and things will go, and we might as well be doing the things we love and spending our time with people we care about, and letting our inner light shine. Because we can waste our lives away with what-ifs and should-haves and feeling sorry for ourselves, but THIS is the moment that counts. This is the life we have, and it is beautiful.

TODAY is a day to celebrate. Despite challenges and heartbreak. If your heart can be broken--Rejoice! At least you know you're ALIVE (and not a walking-dead zombie). So FEEL it, and then when you feel better, take the next step.

When we are in alignment with our true nature, living on purpose and doing what we love, we are bound for glory, no matter what life throws at us. In fact, there is nothing in this world that can keep you from your good. Nothing that can put out your fire or dampen your creative spirit.

Woo-hoo! That is something to celebrate!!! :-)

Your Time is Limited.....

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
 - Steve Jobs

This August I quit my job in a  position I held for over 9 years. I was acting on a very deep gut feeling that I had to leave. Staying was no longer an option, I literally had to get out of there and do what my heart was calling me to do or a part of me would die. I had the notion to leave way before August but something always kept me there....I say "something" obviously it was fear. Still, my inner voice remained and became stronger and louder. Between that and a few things that happened at the office... I  literally felt pushed out of the nest.

When I gave my two week notice, my boss called me crazy. She honestly thought I was losing my mind. Who, in their right mind,would leave a secure job of 9 years at the age of 42 in the middle of a recession without a backup plan other than her small 401k? I am sure it did seem crazy...especially since only a month or so earlier I had announced I needed to use a week of vacation to meet a man in Budapest I had been talking with over the Internet!  Another co-worker asked if I was having a mid-life crisis? And you know, maybe I was. It is not an accident this phrase exists.I think  Around the age of 40 most of us start to recognize that our time is limited. We start to evaluate our life and what we have in front of us. I didn't like what I saw and I knew...for me.... things needed to change. I was indeed wasting my life working for someone else's dream when I knew what my own dream was and continued to ignore it.

Of course, it reminded me of painting. How many times had I been painting when an image wanted to show up on the page that I didn't understand or disapproved of because it wasn't pleasing to my eye?? Or...here's a big one....because I didn't know how to paint it! Generally I know that when I don't surrender to what wants to come I feel miserable inside and out. I have learned that until I surrender to the image or color or whatever is asking to be painted...I am just going through the motions and that edgy dissatisfaction does not go away. So why not in life?? If I am learning to trust my intuition in painting...maybe it's not so different in "real" life. Once again painting was showing me how to live.

So....I now spend my days doing what I absolutely love. My world is full of vibrant color. Just the other day I painted with a friend, her daughter and her mother. Three generations there in the studio painting. It was magic! I don't know how this will all play out and sometimes it doesn't make sense and seems a little crazy...but I do it anyway. Oh and the guy I met in Budapest.....6 months and going strong. I am learning to trust what wants to come onto my page and I am continually delighted.

In peace and gratitude,
 Steph

PS - We have a workshop scheduled Saturday 10.22 and I would love to paint with you!!
Let us know if you'd like to sign up: creativenectar@hotmail.com

Your Playing Small Does Not Serve The World....

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
- Marianne Williamson "A Return To Love"

I find that as I paint I am slowly  uncovering my own light. Sometimes it feels like the excavation will never end. But... there are the times I am able to bask in the rays of that brillant sun shining brightly beneath layers of dust and rubble. For me painting is sometimes transformative...sometimes rejuvenating, but always necessary in my quest for true self acceptance.The reason I am so passionate about the painting process is because I know how deeply it is changing me....and I want to share it with as many people as possible. I am so grateful for the studio and the painting communityand for the chance to let my light shine.
Peace,
Steph

Painting ...... Helps Me Stay Balanced

I have been wanting to write for some time now about the painting process and how it continues to deeply impact my life. I have written "blog" on my to-do list for days now and something always comes up stopping me from my blogging mission. Today it was my computer monitor...she died this morning. I had no warning....No "death rattle" from her flat and delicate screen....just gone.
This put me in a surprising position of panic. As the day progressed I realised that without a monitor I was able to do almost nothing! I could not Facebook,Skype or blog. I wasn't able to listen to music or check the news...I had been stripped down to the bare bones....e-mail....and only from my phone!!

 I had to step back for a minute and just observe my craziness around it all. What on earth has happened to me?? There was a time, not so long ago actually, when my only concern was that I was maybe watching too much television. And now I think to myself proudly and often how I've kicked that habit square in the butt!! How many times have I casually pointed out to friends...
"Yeah, I don't know about that...I don't watch a lot of TV...I don't have cable."
What I sometimes fail to mention is that I do have the internet and a Roku player!!

What I am learning from all this is yes, I have become entirely too dependent on technology. When the mere loss of a monitor for a few hours nearly sends me over the edge, it's time to reevaluate some things. But it is painting that keeps me balanced. The minute I step into the studio and smell the paints I feel like I'm home. It is quiet and that quiet nourishes me. I paint in silence (just as we do in a workshop) I stay present with the brushstrokes and I breathe...deeply. I accept things as they show up on the paper and I try not to judge them. I give myself a break when I do and I keep the brush moving.
I am grateful for this process as I realise that even today, when I was so upset about my forced disconnect from the world of technology, I was able to step back and give myself room to "freak". Not only that, but I was able to observe how I responded and just sort of laugh about it. I judged...but not for long.

So, I have another monitor....and as a result I am blogging about the huge love of my life...process painting....I guess technology isn't so bad after all.

Peace,
Steph

Dip your toes in this Friday

We find ourselves with an extra Friday morning available in our painting schedule this coming Friday, Sept 16th. The studio will be open for anyone who would like to take a bit of time for themselves and paint from the inside out on Sept 16th from 10am-12:30. Because this morning was a last minute add, we are offering the session on a donation basis with no registration needed.

If you have been curious but haven't had the money, or weren't sure about your schedule ... come on by!

Live Juicy!!

Painting as a Mirror

The process of painting brings me face to face with the truth of the moment--to the ME that cannot be escaped. There can be no masks, no fabrications. This can be a scary place, truly, but a place as real and as honest as it can get. In this way, painting is like a mirror of my internal experience.

I'm not talking about the way the painting looks, which is a physical result, but painting rather as a verb. The process of showing up to the vastness of the unknown without instructions or a road map. Facing whatever is there: The internal voices in my head that question and moan and try to convince me to ditch the studio to go get something to snack on, or go have a beer...ANYTHING but face the apparent emptiness and uncertainty that is felt in my gut.

But staying with the truth of the moment can bring some interesting results: It's as if the doubts and fears are like the terrifying monsters that stand guard at the temple of the Divine. After seeing them for what they are and courageously stay with them, or even take a step forward, they will eventually be silenced and bow before us, opening the way to a new reality.

So this is our practice... The "Hero's Journey" as Joseph Campbell called it. Standing in our courage and journeying into the unknown, unmoved by fears and distractions and driven by a deep-seated desire to know ourselves and find our bliss. And it starts in the present moment, right where we are, without masks, standing before our painting. As sobering and humbling as it is, where else in our lives can we find such moments of pure honesty?

August @ the Studio

Hello.....
Just a quick entry to let fellow painters know we are taking a break the month of August as we refocus and rework the schedule for September.
This should be an exciting Fall for Creative Nectar. Sarah Oblinger will be back September 16th - 18th
http://www.sarahoblinger.com/

and Jenny and I will both have more time to devote to the schedule and facillitation.
Thank you all for your continued support....we look forward to seeing you in the coming months!!

Blessings
 Steph

Leap of Faith

I did it. After 12 years of steady employment for the same company, I quit my job.

It's not that things were miserable, or that I didn't love the people (because I do) or that I was stagnant (because I was still learning).

The reason I quit my job: Because my soul was nudging me. Something in me is calling me to be more. To share more. To create more. To live authentically. On purpose. To stop playing small and live the life of my own creating. And this, to me, means devoting my full attention to my art and to painting workshops.

So now what? I made it through what felt like the hardest part: Telling everyone (and in my mind, "letting everyone down"). I worked through my last weeks and tied up as many loose ends as I could. Suddenly my days are open-ended. All possibilities exist. And I feel like I did a few years ago when I went hang-gliding over the hills of Georgia. The small plane that pulled us up into the air by rope suddenly "cut the cord" to release the glider--what followed was a moment of mid-air suspension and sheer terror as my stomach nearly jumped out of my body. Okay, that might be exaggerating a little, but I am having moments of panic interlaced with feelings of pure joy and excitement. The first night after my last day at work I had dreams of drowning. The second night I had dreams of planes crashing because they didn't have any wings.

A wise friend suggested--when I told her I was "taking the leap"--to instead use the phrase "I am taking flight." I like that, because it doesn't have the sense of urgent panic but rather suggests spreading one's wings and soaring. Riding the wind and letting one's natural sense of direction lead the way. It doesn't feel as haphazard.

So here we go. In process painting I often encourage painters to take risks. I feel that now, more than ever, I am living my talk. Because life really is like a painting. One stroke at a time. All possibilities open. Awaiting our discovery.

Time to fly!

I love painting.....

Saturday's workshop was awesome! I am always so blown away by how powerful the painting process is and how even now I can still be so resistive to showing up for that next step.

During our writing exercise we were asked to take a few minutes and journal about what it is we freely give to others but do not give ourselves. I was somewhat surprised to find that I freely give kindness and acceptance to others and not to myself. I realized that a big part of this process is about cultivating self  acceptance and self care. Painting asks me to show up for myself and to be patient and kind as I come face to face with a deep part of myself that isn't always pleasant to look at. What I am discovering is when I choose to stay present with what wants to show up on the paper and find some way to soften into the images....they transform into something beautiful. Later that day, I found myself smiling and saying to the bold painting in front of me,

"I like you...very much, just as you are."

One step at a time

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." –Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today was a big day for me and Stephanie. We took a significant step toward giving outer form to our dream, and are proud to say that Creative Nectar Studio is now an official business entity recognized by the state of Kansas.

It may not sound big, but what will follow is huge. In a way it is like putting a mark on paper. Unlimited potential and possibilities exist in the vastness of the blank page, and when we make a mark, we are saying "There, this exists. This is alive now." And each mark we make from there is in response to and in relationship with that first step taken. What grows from there is unknown but unfolding dynamically in each moment. All in relationship to what has come before.

There is something stirring in each of us that wants to be born through us. We are the vehicles through which the formless comes into being. You have something unique to contribute to the world—otherwise you would not be here in this form, at this time.

But what if we don't take that first step? What if we don't make a mark? Or play a note? Or speak the word? Then something within us goes unexpressed. We can feel the temptation to resist the first step out of fear (What if...,what if...?) Sure, we can doubt our own abilities (and undoubtedly we do) but MAYBE we could simply feel the fear and trembling and notice the debilitating thoughts of doubt and despair and still take a tiny...little...baby...step...