Leap of Faith

I did it. After 12 years of steady employment for the same company, I quit my job.

It's not that things were miserable, or that I didn't love the people (because I do) or that I was stagnant (because I was still learning).

The reason I quit my job: Because my soul was nudging me. Something in me is calling me to be more. To share more. To create more. To live authentically. On purpose. To stop playing small and live the life of my own creating. And this, to me, means devoting my full attention to my art and to painting workshops.

So now what? I made it through what felt like the hardest part: Telling everyone (and in my mind, "letting everyone down"). I worked through my last weeks and tied up as many loose ends as I could. Suddenly my days are open-ended. All possibilities exist. And I feel like I did a few years ago when I went hang-gliding over the hills of Georgia. The small plane that pulled us up into the air by rope suddenly "cut the cord" to release the glider--what followed was a moment of mid-air suspension and sheer terror as my stomach nearly jumped out of my body. Okay, that might be exaggerating a little, but I am having moments of panic interlaced with feelings of pure joy and excitement. The first night after my last day at work I had dreams of drowning. The second night I had dreams of planes crashing because they didn't have any wings.

A wise friend suggested--when I told her I was "taking the leap"--to instead use the phrase "I am taking flight." I like that, because it doesn't have the sense of urgent panic but rather suggests spreading one's wings and soaring. Riding the wind and letting one's natural sense of direction lead the way. It doesn't feel as haphazard.

So here we go. In process painting I often encourage painters to take risks. I feel that now, more than ever, I am living my talk. Because life really is like a painting. One stroke at a time. All possibilities open. Awaiting our discovery.

Time to fly!

One step at a time

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." –Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today was a big day for me and Stephanie. We took a significant step toward giving outer form to our dream, and are proud to say that Creative Nectar Studio is now an official business entity recognized by the state of Kansas.

It may not sound big, but what will follow is huge. In a way it is like putting a mark on paper. Unlimited potential and possibilities exist in the vastness of the blank page, and when we make a mark, we are saying "There, this exists. This is alive now." And each mark we make from there is in response to and in relationship with that first step taken. What grows from there is unknown but unfolding dynamically in each moment. All in relationship to what has come before.

There is something stirring in each of us that wants to be born through us. We are the vehicles through which the formless comes into being. You have something unique to contribute to the world—otherwise you would not be here in this form, at this time.

But what if we don't take that first step? What if we don't make a mark? Or play a note? Or speak the word? Then something within us goes unexpressed. We can feel the temptation to resist the first step out of fear (What if...,what if...?) Sure, we can doubt our own abilities (and undoubtedly we do) but MAYBE we could simply feel the fear and trembling and notice the debilitating thoughts of doubt and despair and still take a tiny...little...baby...step...