Painting to Reveal Our Authentic Selves

There's something mystifying about showing up to a blank piece of paper with no instructions or agenda and just seeing what wants to happen. The moments of staring into the white void can be absolutely terrifying. And at the same time, exhilarating. An entire world of possibility awaits us to make the first mark.

Once we begin to paint, we might discover that the page reflects back like a mirror. While we might think we're painting something "out there," the painting is actually a reflection of our interior experience. Again, we might feel panic ("I have nowhere to hide!") or bliss ("I accept what I see with love.")

Painting for process can help us live more authentically and transparently as we show up to ourselves just as we are and allow some space for that expression. Just recently we offered a daylong workshop with spiritual counselor and Unity minister Heidi Alfrey, aka "the Queen of Transparency", and what ensued was a transformational day of process painting and deep Conscious Conversation around each individual's experience. I became very aware of the courage in the room, evident in each woman who shared from her heart and was open to seeing reality from a deeper perspective.

A snapshot of empowerment from the "Reveal Your True Colors" workshop with Heidi Alfrey at Creative Nectar Studio

What I've learned from my own healing work over the years is this: When we're true to ourselves, we have more energy for life. We're not wasting energy trying to block what we don't want the world to see. The late author Debbie Ford put it this way:

"You can't be fully yourself if you have aspects that are hiding. The shadow holds the truth of all authentic parts of being human - your vulnerability, your discontent, your jealousy, or an experience from the past that you haven't digested....The only way to invite them out of the shadow is to bring them into the light." —Debbie Ford

What better way to bring all parts of ourselves to the light then through the creative and colorful act of painting?  The alchemy that takes place is that as we begin to practice self-acceptance of what we see, the "shadow" aspects begin to lose power. It's the act of resisting our shadow that gives it energy.

Can you imagine a world where the people you interact with on a daily basis feel free enough to take off their mask of conditioning and live life in touch with the deepest, darkest aspects of themselves? While at the same time accepting themselves, and each of us, just as we are? We may not be able to transform the world at large in the blink of an eye, but we can start with ourselves by courageously revealing our authenticity and expressing our truth...one painting at a time. •

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PS—Heidi Alfrey is also host of the internet radio show "Let's Get Naked: Revealing Our Authentic Selves", airing live each Monday afternoon at 3pm CST on Unity Online Radio. She has interviewed me and Stephanie of Creative Nectar a couple times, as well as conducted a testimonial show interviewing several brave first-time painters. You can listen the archives and get a sneak-peek into the painting experience by following the links below...

Reclaiming Our Power

Sometimes when I tune into my internal mind chatter--the thoughts that seem to run the show when I'm just floating through the day on auto-pilot--I notice some pretty interesting and scary stuff: The tone can be self-defeating, commanding, negative and hopeless. It can be what you might call the inner critic that says "Just give it up--you'll never do it right!" Sometimes it says "You're a terrible person--You don't deserve love." Or "Face it, you'll always be alone. You'll never be good enough." Where in the world do these thoughts come from?!?

Somehow, somewhere along the line, we adopted internal forms of protection. Perhaps it was when we were young children being socialized by our parents or at school or church. Or maybe it's even a past-life thing. As women, we might have a deep-seated, internal fear of speaking our mind for fear of being outcast, beaten, or even burned at the stake! 

These themes come up again and again at the studio. Self-doubt. Self-hatred. Confusion. Fear. Specifically, we hear from women who feel defeated in life and have ignored their own needs for so long--always putting others first--that they feel like they're going to die of sadness or explode into a fiery rage. And we hear from women who are terrified to reveal what's inside them and yet just dying to express. 

I'll admit, it can be scary to show up to ourselves and give space to that which we've been ignoring for sometimes years or lifetimes. That's why it's so important to have a safe place and a supportive community where that can begin to happen. The studio is just one place, but you might have other places where you can show up just as you are without judgment, such as with a group of close friends, or at a sangha of spiritual supporters, or at a recovery group. It's so vital to find a community where you'll be whole-heartedly supported in uncovering your truth and giving it some life and space to grow.

Just as important as finding the place/space/community, is carving out the time. We all stay so busy and keep our calendars so completely full. And especially as women, we naturally put others' needs first and can sometimes feel selfish when we actually take time for ourselves. But it is vital for our mental/emotion/spiritual health. And if we want to be a healthy and functioning person to live up to our Super-hero schedules, then we need to make sure our own cup is full. 

This month at the studio, we're adding a new Saturday afternoon series specifically for women titled "Reclaiming Our Power: A Women's Awakening Series". It's time we make the space for ourselves to tap our feminine power and investigate what is wanting to happen in our lives. It's time to make room for our unique creative voice and explore our authenticity. And to do so in a supportive group of like-minded women. We'll be using process painting, journal prompts and group discussion to go deeper in our practice and make room for that vital self that is ready and waiting to express. We hope that you'll join us Saturdays May 11, 18 and 25 from 2-4:30 pm. The cost is $75 for the 3 weeks or $30 for a drop-in. To register, email creativenectar@hotmail.com.

We begin to reclaim our power first within ourselves, and then outwardly in the world. Pay attention to your negative self-talk. Begin to challenge it. I keep a sign posted in my apartment that reads "Inner critic, F@!# OFF!" You can be blunt like that, or subtly notice the degrading thought and remember it's trying to protect you, while gently speaking an affirmation of Truth: "I am a vital piece of this universe and am worthy and deserving of love." From the inside out, we step into our power and authenticity and it ripples outward into our lives.

Here's to living an empowered life,
Jenny

Coming Into My Own Power

Lately, painting has been asking a lot of me. It's asking me to go deeper and take a closer look at what
continues to bubble to my surface. Painting is just like any other practice, sometimes it's easy and flowing, other times it's hard and rigid and I struggle against what wants to come.

Last month I painted an image that was so hard for me to look at and so uncomfortable to be around, that I almost threw it away. This is something I just don't do. I have never thrown a painting away, and I have never given up on a painting. (Generally, with process painting we are encouraged to work with what is on the page without changing it, painting it out or starting a new one.) So, I knew what was presenting itself had to be big. Luckily, when the urge to throw away my painting was at it's peak, Jenny was in the studio and she gently encouraged me to continue working.

At first it was difficult, but the more I became curious about the images without too much judgement, the less serious they became. Eventually, the image that was so uncomfortable for me to look at, was wearing a party hat and the whole painting was transformed.

Painting this way is like peeling an onion - my own personal onion full of beautiful, dark layers.  And just when I think I've "taken care of" a layer, it shows up in another way, giving me an opportunity to embrace it differently. Ultimately, I believe painting is teaching me to come into my own power. Hooray! This is what I've wanted for over 16 years. Surprisingly, what I am finding is I am pretty scared of what that might mean. Coming into my own power, means being as authentic as I can. Being 100% honest with myself, taking a look at some pretty dark stuff, and finding compassion for it all. This work isn't always easy and fun for me, but I love it like nothing else because I am getting to know one incredible human being....ME. Oh, and there's one other thing... I get to watch this process unfold in others too and that is the tastiest icing on a seriously delicious cake!

Embracing It All

I had a revelation today while painting. A spring of blue water I painted shooting out of a crackling, worn-down self just didn't have the "oomph" that I felt inside--the colors looked more gray than anything. I struggled with the lack of contrast but knew what I felt inside was vibrant. And then it occurred to me: Add black to the painting. Once I did, the whites of the rapid waters suddenly had a context against which they could shine, and the blues of the fountain could pop.

I know, this is all more "artsy-fartsy"-technical than we usually get in process painting, but I'd like to use this experience as a metaphor for our lives. I cannot tell you how many times we'll have a painter at the studio who just wants to paint "lightness", because that's what they want to manifest in their lives. They don't like the dark stuff. And sometimes will avoid it at all costs, even if it means feeling stuck and forcing something "pretty" to be there instead--all the while hating what's coming out.

What is lightness without the dark? Well, it's just a blank piece of white paper. We can't make the white paper any lighter than it already is. What we can do, though, is add our own contrast. We all want to live out the glowing colors and brightness of a vibrant sunset, right? But it's the deep, dull neutrals around it that makes the actual sun setting so striking. The glow of a lantern on a snowy night shines so warm in our hearts because of the contrast of the dark cold around it.

Darkness makes light perceivable. It gives it impact. The dark parts of ourselves are not something to fear or to hate—they are simply the other part of the equation that makes us who we are.

So I invite you to honor and embrace it all--the darkness, the light, the messy parts, the things that fall apart, and the joy that's on the other side. Here's to the process!

What Happens At Nectar, Stays At Nectar.

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."

- E.E. Cummings

Every Friday morning, I get the absolute pleasure of spending time with a core group of painters at Creative Nectar, and it makes my whole week!

As our small but mighty community begins to expand, we are finding out that not only do we look forward to our time with paint, paper and truest-self, but to our weekly discussion in the closing circle as well. It is a time to see each other just as we are with no masks. There is no need to cover up our feelings in order to make it better for someone else. There is no need to hide tears or angry words when we are together. We meet each other just as we are. We are real and we are seen. It is a powerful place to be.

At Nectar, one of our goals has always been to provide a safe environment in which to paint. A key element of process painting is that we do not comment on each other's paintings.This part of the process helps us to tame our judging mind and nurture our creative spark. But I am seeing this expand into other situations as well. When we come together after painting, we find ourselves in a place of gentleness with one another. And just like in a painting, we are able to meet what arises in the moment with curiosity instead of harsh judgement.

Inside the studio walls, I feel held and nourished. There is a feeling of love, creativity, acceptance and trust here that we are all helping to create. This acceptance and trust has prompted several of us to jokingly use the phrase, "What happens at Nectar, stays at Nectar". And although our little process arts studio isn't quite Vegas, it feels awesome to be part of something so special.
Thanks everyone! See you Friday.

A time to unleash our dreams

Ah, a New Year. A clean slate. A fresh start full of possibilities. It's a time to ask ourselves, "What do I want to invision and create for myself this year?"

What if this year it was not about losing a few pounds or saving more money? What if, instead, we looked within to see what "inner callings" are waiting for fulfillment? 

It's not always easy to know what our truest self wants--at least not without taking the time to slow down and listen. This month we are honored to offer you that opportunity--a daylong visioning and painting retreat on Saturday January 26th to assist you with discovering the life of your dreams and creating a blueprint for living it. We'll be joined by Tamie Rising, a certified transformational life coach whose passion is to help people achieve new heights of success, meaning and spiritual aliveness.

Find more information about the Jan 26th visioning and painting retreat.

Wishing you a fulfilling and abundant 2013 and beyond!

Jen and Steph

Peace On Earth Begins Inside

"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself". – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wow... It's hard to believe we are writing the December update already! This year has been an incredible one that has only been possible because of you. A beautiful community is forming at Nectar and it brings us such joy to know the studio is warm and full of our painting friends.

A theme has started to develop during our Friday morning painting sessions: Learning to accept that which we cannot change. What we all seem to be finding out in our own way as we paint each week is how to just "let it be". Making friends with what is "up" and having the courage to just be with it instead of trying to change it in a way that seems pleasing to us. This is a huge step toward inner peace. When we cultivate inner peace we automatically begin to see things on the outside shift. We are able to look at the world with a fresh perspective and the world responds in kind.

We have several opportunities to paint this month. We will be painting every Friday in December, as well as Saturday morning Dec 8th. We would love to see you!

Wishing you peace this holiday season,

Steph and Jen

Coming Home To Ourselves: A Collage Project

 

                       "One must endeavor to Love oneself Abundantly." - Sharon Salzberg

In this 6 week series, Stephanie Gray will guide us on a journey of self-discovery through writing and collage. Each evening will begin with some journaling prompts inspired by the book "When You Think You're Not Enough: The Four Life-Changing Steps to Loving Yourself" by Daphne Rose Kingma, followed by collage. We will each be collaging a box we have personally picked out for this project. Our collages will be mirroring our truest self, so bring any sort of box that calls to you. All other materials will be provided. Reading of the book is not required but is encouraged.

$100 for all 6 sessions. $20 gets you registered.
(Refundable up to 72 hrs before first session)
November 7th - December 12th.
email or call to register: creativenectar@hotmail.com or 816.550.6728

 

There Are No Mistakes

 “Nothing whatsoever should be grasped at or clung to." - Buddha

Lately, things at Nectar have been perplexing to me and I feel lost. Last year at this time I felt very on purpose and on fire. I KNEW that opening  this workshop space with Jenny was exactly what I was supposed to do with my life. I had been told by movies and magazine articles and Oprah that if I figured out what it was I loved to do the rest would fall into place. Who hasn't heard the phrase, "Do what you love and the money will follow"? Or how about this one..."If you build it, they will come."

So that's what I did.I figured out the one thing I loved most was process painting and realized that I didn't want to just paint by myself, but to share it with as many people as possible. I truly believed that a year and 8 months into this, the studio would be able to support itself. Instead, we have seen a steady drop in registrations for workshops and painting sessions alike. We have had to cancel several things in the last few months and it doesn't feel good.

Perhaps, I have been naive. I knew not everyone who walked through Creative Nectar's door would have the same reaction to the process as I do. But I never once saw it looking like this. And maybe that's ok. I am suddenly reminded of the painting guidelines at the studio. "There are no mistakes". What if this is all exactly the way it needs to be? What if I could stand in the very moment of it all and be with what is happening, without judgement? Once again, I am learning from the process. Many times I have been painting something that I really thought needed to look a certain way...or that my mind wanted to take in a certain direction, only to find that when I allowed what wanted to come into the painting, it was far more powerful than I could have ever imagined.

Going with the flow is a lesson the process is continually teaching me. Sometimes it is much easier said than done, especially when the subject in question is something I am so desperately in love with. That's the key I suppose, learning to hold things with an open palm; no grasping. And learning to love without expectation. 

Find True Nourishment...

Plate of Mind:
A Day of Mindful Eating and Process Painting
Saturday, September 8th, 2012

10 am - 4:00 pm • $85 (materials included)

Join us for a day of renewal and reconnection while learning tools for present-moment awareness and creative expression in a safe, non-judgmental environment.

Karen Ialapi, RD, LD, CDE, will lead the morning session in exploring what mindfulness around eating really means and how to bring more mindfulness to your relationship with food.

During the lunch break, you will have the opportunity for a silent lunch experience (bring a sack lunch) or to go out for lunch on your own.

Stephanie and Jenny will lead a process painting session in the afternoon, helping you to tune in to your inner experience and use painting as a tool for self-discovery and expression. Take time to slow down, play deeply and find true nourishment.

Space is limited to 10 participants. $20 deposit reserves your spot and is refundable up to 48 hours before event.

For more information or to register email us at: creativenectar@hotmail.com or give us a call: 816.550.6728